Quotes By Joan Rivers

I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented. by Joan Rivers

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found. by Joan Rivers

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. by Joan Rivers

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. by Joan Rivers

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. by Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. by Joan Rivers

Never floss with a stranger. by Joan Rivers

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. by Joan Rivers

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. by Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. by Joan Rivers

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present. by Joan Rivers

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too. by Joan Rivers